5 Things I Taught My Kid Today...

1. The proper ways in which to shoot spit balls from a straw. This didn't go so well at first since I accidentally shot him in the face and made him cry....thankfully I don't think anyone in in the packed restaurant noticed....

2. How to have the best evil laugh. I gave an example and made him laugh so hard he snorted. Best. Moment. Ever.

3. I, along with the help of the 1 millionth viewing of Toy Story 3, taught him the phrase " Holy moley guacamole!" Which comes out like " Rolly rolly rock and rolly!" Don't ask me how he changes it.

4. When one is hurt all it takes is some "smarshsmellows" to make it all better.

5. Mommy is a Princess. But when he found a crown at Cracker Barrel during lunch today he handed it to me and said " Here Mommy, try it on. Then you can be a Queen!" He's a fast learner that one.....


Here he is practicing his spit ball technique...

Why? Why? Why Mommy? Mom? Mom? Why?

Kenny may only be three but we've gone through many stages. Like the pacifier stage, potty training, throwing tantrums, wearing his Spiderman costume for a week straight. I consider all those stages. But the stage that may drive me to an early grave and the one I fear I might be stuck in for awhile is the "why?" stage. I'd rather deal with him peeing in his pants everday again then hear another "why?" come out of his mouth. I know that sounds horrible. I remember the days when I would lovingly look at him all bundled up in his crib, and think to myself " I can't wait till he can talk so I can teach him things!". And don't get me wrong, it's exciting seeing your child learn something new for the first time. But the " why?" stage is totally not like that. AT ALL. Let me give you an example. A long and repetitive example.

"Mommy, why are you taking down the Christmas lights?"

" Because Christmas is over baby."

" It's over?......why?"

" Because it only comes once a year, so it came, we celebrated it and it's over."

" It only comes once a year?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

" Because Jesus was only born once."

"Oh...............but why are you taking down the Christmas lights?"

" I just told you!!

" But why Mommy?"

GAAAH!!

 Everyday, ALL day. Sometimes it's worse then others. Sometimes I want to gouge my eyeballs out or go play in traffic. I've gotten to the point where I will just act like I didn't hear it. Especially if I've already answered the same question a bazillion times. It's not like I want him to think his question isn't important, but I think there comes a point where it stops being about wanting to know and more about the fact he knows I'll answer. Got that bit of advice from my Mom :). Whatever the reason, I'm not sure I'm going to make it. At the very least I might be declared clinically insane. I thought maybe if I took the time to explain it in detail ,but so a 3 year old would understand it, it would be better. That maybe the "whys" would stop. Nope, it only frustrated me more since I realized I just wasted my breath and time explaining something only to have to turn around and try to explain it again. But if all else fails I know I can always say " Because I said so!".  All my parents had to say was " Because you're so pretty!". It worked for awhile until I was on to their scheme. After all, I'm a Princess, and we're like totally smart and stuff.