Happy Neew Yeearss!

This time last year I was with some friends celebrating New Years Eve on a much needed night out. I ended up bringing in 2011 in the bar bathroom after all those drinks kicked in. It wasn't by any means glamorous, but definitely memorable :). This year I'm bringing in 2012 with a bottle of wine on the couch with my Mom, listening to my 3 year old snore from the back bedroom, and watching Jaws on tv. All is right with the world. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all sentimental and reminisce about the past year. But I am thankful this year is over.  And I'm thankful to whoever decides to voluntarily read this blog! I love to share my experiences and stories about Kenny, and it's nice to know there are people who like to read it! Thank you guys so much! I hope I have lots to share with you in 2012! Have a safe and happy new year everyone!!

You Know You're an Adult When...

You get mucus relief pills and a bottle of Zyrtec in your stocking Christmas morning and you are ecstatic. I can't remember for certain but I'm pretty sure there was a happy dance involved. I don't remember at what age I started asking for practical gifts like a blender or something boring like that but this year I did good to even think of something to ask for. I mean for crying out loud, my Mother was asking what I wanted and it took me 30 minutes to write a Facebook message with " a hair dryer" in it. When the only thing you can think of that you actually WANT is a hair dryer, you've reached adulthood.

Kenny on the other hand knew exactly what he wanted for months and made sure he told me whenever he had the chance. Like everyday. I heard " Mommy can I have a skateboard?", or "Mommy can we go to the store and buy me a skateboard and a helmet so I don't break my head?" I had to explain to him each and every time that he had to wait till Christmas. And each and every time he hung his little head like he was just told the end of the world was coming. So when Christmas morning came and he finally unwrapped his skateboard, the look on his face was worth more then any present anyone could ever give me. Even the Zyrtec. I may not get alot of gifts like I did as a kid, but you know you're an adult when it doesn't matter.

 I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!!

Be Patient Mommy!

I naively set out this evening with every intent of creating one of those special holiday moments in the hope that Kenny would be so overcome with joy that he'd remember it for years to come. We ended up bailing on this glorious idea an hour after setting off.

I kept hearing about this holiday light thing at a local recreational park. It sounded really amazing and their events usually aren't that expensive. Seeing how I'm all about doing things that are cheap we headed out after dinner to see what it was all about. I was more excited then Kenny but after making such a big deal about it his enthusiasm started to climb. MY enthusiasm quickly left after turning onto the road which would take us to the park. It should take you about 5 minutes from this road to get there since it's only a couple of miles ahead. Almost immediately I hit traffic. Not just traffic, but traffic that wasn't moving. Bumper to bumper traffic that wasn't moving and we were no where near the park. But I keep talking to Kenny about being patient so I decided to be a trooper about it and make it there come hell or high water. After 30 minutes of moving less then a quarter of a mile ( or something like that), I started to reassess things. I told Kenny that " we may not make it there because of the traffic." and I got this reply, " Remember how we talked about being patient? That means we need to be patient in the car....it's not a big deal." So I was basically put in my place by my 3 year old son who has about as much patient skills of any 3 year old...0 to none. So I gave it one last chance, but after getting nowhere in an hours time I was done. Thankfully when I told Kenny he just said he " really REALLY wants to go home." Apparently he was all done too.

 I think I'll stick to creating special holiday moments with the kid at home. It's free and I don't have to wait in line for anything. And hopefully there I won't get a lesson on how to be patient from someone who thinks it's funny to announce to me that " he pooted". Boys. Sheesh.

A Somewhat Christmas Related Story...

Most of us should know of that movie A Christmas Story. Alot of us can't wait for the 24 hour marathon of it, and hearing over and over again how Ralphie will shoot his eye out. I loved watching this movie growing up and I still love it today. The perspective has changed slightly though. Like that scene at the dinner table when Randy won't eat his food....

(This version is unnecessarily long just fyi...)

I never understood how any parent in their right mind would let their kid eat their mashed potatoes like that. ENCOURAGE them to for that matter. I remember thinking how my kid would never do that and would act like a civilized adult at the table and eat their food the right way. Then I had Kenny and my perspective changed. I have begged, bribed and made those stupid airplane noises all in the attempt to get Kenny to eat. Every night is a challenge. I'm not sure why though. Because let's be honest....they're not going to starve. We act like they will though, and convince ourselves that we will be a better parent if we just get one more bite shoved in their mouth. We feel victorious when the vegetables are behind closed lips as if the fate of the world hung on whether or not those stupid green beans made it in. I try really hard not to make a big deal about it. But when I gave Kenny some mashed potatoes today and he started pouting and hitting it with his spoon all I could think of was Randy. He said he was " making a race track" and kept dragging the spoon across the mashed pototoes and then picking up a miniscule amount to eat. Drove. Me. Nuts.  And then it hit me....Randy's mother encouraged him to eat his mashed potatoes like a little piggy out of pure desperation. She just wanted to see him eat! I've never been that desperate, but I can relate. I still did not encourage Kenny to snort and smush his face in his plate today, and pray to God I never reach that point. But I did remind him that we were supposed to get a Christmas tree this afternoon. Some may call that bribery. I like to think of it as motivation. We all have our methods...to each his own right? :)

Yoda's in Heaven?

It only seems right to share my conversation with Kenny tonight given my last post...

" Kenny, what are we celebrating soon?" * points to half unpacked box of Christmas stuff*

" CHRISTMAS!!"

" And whose birthday is it on Christmas?"

"Uhh...I dunno."

" He lives in Heaven.....do you remember who lives in Heaven?"

" I DO!"

" Umm..no. Not for a long time I hope! Who else?"

" Yoda!"

It was kind of hard to continue with our conversation after that. I was laughing too hard at the thought of this living in Heaven..

Kenny of course meant this Yoda, who died earlier in the year...

So technically Kenny was right I guess, since I had told him Yoda the Cat went to live in Heaven. After he wholeheartedly discussed how Yoda has wings in Heaven I managed to slip in what I had tried to tell him before bursting into laughter. I certainly can't complain that there's a lack of entertainment in the house...

Boys Will Be Boys...

I tried to have a meaningful talk with Kenny the other night about Christmas and how it's Jesus's birthday. Ever since he started talking about Christmas this year I would try and sneak in little tidbits of the real reason for the season. Which is hard because well....he's three and will only concentrate for so long on a subject. But I try and keep it short and he generally will ask questions or at the very least seem interested. And sometimes he'll bring up things, especially after church on Sunday's. He has a great Sunday school class  and he's always coming home with little things they made that are relative to a verse they learned that day. So when he came out with a cow made out of a paper plate, I was curious as to what they had talked about. He didn't really give me much at the time I asked. Something about a cow and Jesus. I was trying to remember all the bible stories I had learned as a child and still couldn't come up with one about Jesus and a cow. Doesn't mean there isn't one but at the time I couldn't think of it! And given his mood I didn't feel like pressing the subject. That night he brought the cow into his room as we were getting ready for bed. He had lost one of  his wiggly eyes and was looking quite pitiful. Then, in a moment of clarity, I finally realized that his teachers were probably talking about all the different animals that were there when Jesus was born. Since it's almost Christmas and all that would make sense wouldn't it? So I asked " Kenny, were there so many animals there on Jesus's birthday? Like a cow?"
I fully expected him to start rattling off all these different kinds of animals, but instead I got a very enthusiastic " MOO!" After I laughed at him I tried again.." Did you know that Jesus was born in a barn Kenny? Is that why the cow was there?" "MOOO!"
I think I asked 2 more questions hoping he would eventually run out of moo's....he didn't. Oh well, boys will be boys. And I'm sure I'll have plenty more opportunities to talk about things like that with him...hopefully without any other animal sounds. Who knows though, because he's kind of like a one boy circus act. I think I'd rather him moo at me then drink from the dog's water dish though, which he was totally caught doing this week. Why? Because he was a dog and he got thirsty. Naturally.

I Made This Trip My Biiatchh

It's no surprise to me now when I do something that reminds me of my Mom. Every child has that moment in their adult life when they realize they've just morphed into the very person they swore when they were younger would never morph into. My moment has long since passed. But last night I was reminded again of how much my mother is in me. When preparing for a trip for example, my mother has a certain....technique if you will. Much of this technique involved packing the night before, including food and drinks. The house was cleaned as if it was a matter of life and death . The rest of the process involved waking up at a God awful hour at like saay 4 am to finish packing and load the car. But neither of my parents would ever wake me up that early...noo I would get woken up like 20 minutes before my parents wanted to leave. Giving my 5-17 yr old self no time to prepare for the long excursion ahead. And considering we usually went to TN to see my grandparents and that was a good 10 hours away, a girl needed ample time to get her things together. Because clearly I was never prepared.
 Flashforward to now, a 2_ yr old mother of 1. I am notorious for saying I'll leave at a certain time, and then 2 hours later I'm leaving for real. Because again, I'm clearly never prepared. I wish I could blame it on Kenny and how long it takes him to get ready or for me to pack his things. No, it's usually me who's debating on whether or not to bring certain clothes or how many books do I think I can read while I'm away. So when I told my family in VA what time I was leaving to come visit for the Thanksgiving holiday I knew they were secretly thinking " ok she says she's leaving at 6:30...add 3 hours and that's what time she'll REALLY be leaving." I was determined to make this trip as easy as possible to start. And also prove to myself that I can be as prepared as the other members of my family are when it comes to traveling. After I got home from work I started my planning. I packed a snack bag worthy to feed at least 5 hungry people. I got Kenny and my clothes packed and clothes for the morning were laid out. Breakfast was made for me in the morning and all the dishes were done. House had been vacuumed, floors mopped and laundry was folded ( mostly). Kenny had a toy bag with a variety of things to hopefully keep him occupied. I included new things too so there would be a couple of " surprises" throughout the trip. I loaded all items into the car and was in bed exactly when I wanted to be which was 8:30. On.The.Dot. I was proud of myself, thinking I had clearly conquered the art of packing the night before. But the waking up early part still had to be done. But I was up at 4:50 am as if I had been doing it my whole life. And that's when it hit me..again.. for like the 100th time. I am my mother. As I pulled out of my driveway at 5:50 I knew she would be proud of me. I was clearly prepared this time around. What I was still not prepared for though. was 30 minutes into a 8 hour trip, my passenger calling out " Are we there yet?"






I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

Playtime Isn't Forever...

I think I'm at the age where playtime may require a 5 minute warm up session beforehand just so I can survive. I had this revelation about the time I was on my hands and knees whinnying like a horse. I also had the revelation I should probably vacuum more as I was " galloping" around the living room. Oh the joys of playtime.
Before playing the ever popular horsie routine, Kenny and I were robots. The Mommy robot's sole purpose was to tickle the Kenny robot which lead to him screaming wildly and dashing through the house. I stayed in character of course. The screaming was so intense for a minute I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors were wondering what exactly was going on over here.
 After that Spiderman made an appearance along with Batman who got a scolding for not using his powers right. Like any 3 year old boy, Kenny takes playing superheros pretty seriously. Batman tried at one point to convince Spiderman that he needed a nap which resulted in another scolding. I thought about arguing about how even superheros need their rest so they can fight crime and all the bad guys but I was afraid that might push Spidey over the edge.
       I sometimes want nothing more then to skip playtime and just lay down on the floor while Kenny runs around my motionless body. Because after rushing out the door at 7:30 am, working all day, coming home, throwing together a somewhat decent meal, waiting as the kid takes 40 minutes to eat said meal, cleaning up it takes just about all the energy I have left to devote to playtime. But then I remember that he's not going to always want to play superheros with me. So I'll take the knee bruising from the galloping, the scoldings from Spiderman and the ringing in my ears from the high pitch screaming. What I don't think I could take is the regret I'd have when he's heading off to college and realizing I missed out on all the years I could have spent just having fun. As parents, we're always going to be tired. Ok, really ,REALLY tired. But we're not always going to have these moments with our children where they want nothing more then to just play with you. <3

A Quick Shout Out...

To all the home boys in the Wal-Mart parking lot...scuse you? Who do you think you are speaking like that around a woman and her son?  Had I known before I got back to my car it was me you were referring to, and had my son not been with me, I would have given you all a little more then a piece of my mind.  My son knows how to respect and treat a lady better then all of you put together. Quit groping me with your eyes fool and yelling inappropriate things to me across the effin parking lot. I was not flaunting anything, no part of my body was hanging out, I'm just a mom with her son trying to shop. Let me hear talk like that again around my child and the gloves are comin off. Because my son will not hear his mother being compared to that of a piece of meat. He will not grow up thinking it's ok to "holla" at a woman by yelling about her butt in the middle of the effin road. He will not whistle at her like she's a dog or call her names other then the one she was born with.  I'm glad he was clueless enough to not hear the profanity coming out of your mouth because I would have come over there and smacked you in it had he heard you. You want a woman like me?  Then you better learn how to respect that @$$ before you try and get a piece of it. Oh and another thing....pull your *BLEEPIN* pants up.

Kenny's Dictionary ( Volume 1, Pt 2)

Birate (n): a person who hunts for buried treasure.

Malf (n): A place one goes to buy things. Example: " Mommy, can we go to the malf and buy me some shoes?"

Majesteve (n):  A greeting often imposed upon royalty. Example " Greetings your royal Majesteve, would you care for some chocolate milk?"

Moobie ( n): something one watches after naps. Example: "Mommy, may I please watch Veggie Tales? It's my favorite moobie."

Riber ( n): A large body of water that flows into the ocean.

Skrite ( n): A soda with lemon lime flavors.

And now for the southern portion of Kenny's Dictionary...

Cay-ut (n) An animal that says "meow".

Thay-at (Pronoun,Adj) Used to indicate a variety of things. Example" Waay-ow Mommy! Look at thay-at!

Nay-ow : ( adv.) At the present time or moment. Example: " May I please have some candy nay-ow Mommy?"

Waay-ow (interjection): an expression of surprise. Example " Waay-ow Mommy look at that big truck!"

So it's not in order...but I'm too tired to care right nayow...

Paging Dr. Kenny...

I used to dread the thought of ever getting sick with a small child in the house. Nothing is worse then heaving all day while have a little person running around wanting things from you. So anyways, I was sick over the weekend, but thankfully the non-heaving kind of sickness. As a matter of fact I'm not entirely sure what it was I had but it made me incapable of moving for the better part of Saturday and most of Sunday. My stomach hurt like hell and I felt like someone had drained me of all energy in a matter of minutes. Kenny and I had plans to go to the park after some grocery shopping but I laid down on the couch and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open.  But before I knew it I had a doctor come to my rescue. As soon as I told him I wasn't feeling well Kenny grabbed my favorite blanket and covered me up, brought me some water and made sure I had a couple of toys to help make me feel better. I was able to play on the couch with him for awhile then told him to go play while Mommy rested. When I woke up he was playing quietly behind closed doors. There are alot of fine doctors in this world, but I'll take My Dr. Kenny any day of the week <3.

Halloween 2009

I Might Be a White Girl Buuut....

Last night I went full on ghetto on my child. It just came out of me. And it was so natural I couldn't even stop it. I didn't lay a finger on that boy, but I waved it, wagged it and pointed it so much I didn't even have to. Because as I said on Facebook this morning, I scared the white right out of him. Let me give a little background before going any further. Kenny has decided that he's grown. And when something I say is unacceptable he lets me know in a very vocal way. It's his attitude and the way he talks to me that gets him in trouble most of the time and I usually send him to his room and will discipline if need be. It's also been increasingly frustrating to hear what an angel of a child I have over at the neighbors all day but when I get him home he's whiny, rude and cranky. So last night a light switch went off in my head.  I honestly can't tell you what exactly it was that made me snap. But I looked that boy in the face and said " BYE. YOU can go to your room!" at which point he started crying. But I had no sympathy left. There was no guilt, no remorse of any kind. Once he made it into his room I started cleaning. Not in the, oh let me take advantage of this time I have and clean" way, but in the "I'm so mad I'm either gonna kill em or I'm going to clean". So I cleaned. I vacuumed, scrubbed the kitchen, the bathroom and even mopped somewhere. I was so mad I can't even tell you if it was the kitchen or the bathroom but out of the two, one of them got mopped. And when I was done cleaning, I went into his room where he was still crying and said: "YOU need to get it togetha boy, because I'm all done. If you can mind Granny, if you can respect her, you gonna start mindin me. You hear me?" His eyes were wide and he nodded in agreement. " You gonna get that behind in bed and you gonna stay in that bed. And I betta not here you playin in here!" My finger was waggin and I'm pretty sure I said everything through clenched teeth and with just enough snarl to drive my point home. And boy did I drive it home. I think he was afraid to move for awhile. But it worked. I woke up to a child who immediately started using his manners and who was oozing with respect. I'm all done explaining things to this kid. He can either obey or he's going to bed. But I'm not having this attitude anymore. No 3 year old is going to boss me around and just get a talkin to. All. Done. Wit. Dat.

Kenny's Dictionary ( Volume 1, pt 1)

My list is small since I'm just starting to gather a list of words Kenny says but here yah have it...

Snatchlight (n). A device used to help one see in the dark. Example: " Mommy, it's dark in my room, can I please have my snatchlight?"

Smarshmellows (n). Those little white things you put in hot chocolate.

Spinters (n). Things you get when you don't wear your shoes. Example: " Mommy I was running on the deck and my foot got a spinter in it!"

Jeeps (n). An animal that goes "baaa".

Scart (n). A piece of fabric that one puts around their neck to keep warm.

Pap-pack (n). Something one uses to carry things in. Example: " Mommy, when I go to school I need my pap-pack for my books."

More to come :)

Wanted: A Gentleman...

I want a man who holds my hand out in public, who tells me he loves me throughout the day. I want someone who shares his food, not because I asked him to, but because he knows I'd like some. I want a man who brings me flowers. I want a man who needs me, who holds me when I'm crying and tells me it'll be ok. I want a man who helps with the dishes, and cleans the house without me asking. I want a man who brings me my slippers because he knows my feet are cold, or gets me my favorite blanket to curl up with me in. I want a man who I can watch movies with, read with and just be quiet with. I want someone who loves me at my best and still calls me beautiful at my worst. I realized one day I already have someone like this, he calls me Mommy. He may not be a man yet, but it stands to reason that if he can treat me like this, then it shouldn't be so hard to find someone else who does too. <3

The Word of the Day is...Escargots

Kenny is at that lovely stage of " Why Mommy?" or " What's that mean?" And while I love to expand his little mind, there comes a point when the " Because I said so!" comes out. My parents told me that when I started to ask a bunch of questions they would begin to answer with " Because you're so pretty." That didn't last long. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I knew even at that age,  that THAT was a diversion tactic. So when we were reading a book tonight and came across the word "escargots" our book reading was put on hold and the conversation went something like this:

" Mommy...whats scargo?"

" It's 'escargots' baby, and it's French for snails."

"Oh...what's French?"

" It's a different language....like we speak English, and other people speak French."

" French for snails?"

" Oui oui!"

It was at this point we both fell over laughing. He was laughing at me and my fake French accent,and I was laughing at him while he tried to repeat it. We stayed on that couch laughing until my face hurt. We continued to make each other laugh with random outbursts of oui oui! even as teeth were being brushed.  I have never laughed so hard with him before. Boys are so much fun! And I think it was a pretty good way to end a Monday....oui? Least this guy agrees with me...

I would just like to make mention of the fact that I think French is one of the most beautiful languages. That being said, I have no idea what this guy is singing about...other then " yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,  yes"....

Hakuna Matata

For a brief hour and 27 minutes last night I got to be 10 years old again. I would have been just as happy seeing The Lion King without the stupid 3D glasses, but it was pretty cool I guess. I was so excited I think I peed my pants a little. Ok, maybe not...but I was really excited. I found myself singing along to the songs that I hadn't heard in almost 16 years. I guess that year of watching the movie everyday finally paid off huh?  It was exactly the way I remembered it, because obviously the movie didn't change other then the 3D effects. The eyes that were watching it changed though. Because when your 10 there's still the belief that in an hour and a half all your problems can be solved. There's still the hope that happy endings really are just around the corner, true love is right in front of you and Hakuna Matata really is your life's motto. But somewhere in between 10 and 27 life happened and those beliefs died. When Simba goes back and faces his past it was just a little reminiscent of going back and being faced with my own. It was dark and barren, which was a stark contrast from what he remembered as a child. Kind of like when your parents divorce and you come home for Christmas and for the first time your father isn't there. And you know that no matter how hard you try, it'll never be the same. But at some point life goes on, and there are new memories to be made.  I know that life's problems can't be solved in under 2 hours.  I'm still waiting on true love to smack me in the face, and Hakuna Matata is just a cute song to my favorite children's movie.  But life did give me Kenny, who is and will always be my happy ending.

The Top 10 Things I Learned in September...

10. Some girls will play in the dirt, but boys pick it up in handfuls and smear it all over their body. Or just lay on the ground and roll in it.

9. Spiderman must be getting old because last month he could only hop on one foot, and now his webs only come out of one hand.
8. One day, Kenny will be a "grown-nut" ( grownup...duh)

7.Donuts help people grow up to be big....which is actually pretty true...just out and not up :).

6. Trees are mad, specifically green trees.

5. If you hear a man snoring you have to get in a rocket ship.

4. If you see my son with his finger up his nose he's not digging for boogers....he's digging for beans.

3. The only proper way to eat anything with cream cheese on it is to rub it all over your face ( see below)

2. No matter what  word you're trying to sound out it always begins with B. As in Buh-buh-buh rhinoceros.

1. You forget about your crappy day when your son calls you pretty.

I Survived New York, Pt 2

There's nothing like an early morning brawl on a bus. While it was short, it was long enough and loud enough to wake up anyone still sleeping. We had apparently turned around sometime around 5 to go back to where another bus had broken down. It was a sad sight. There was what seemed to be a decent crowd all standing outside of the bus in the early morning light, holding onto their luggage and looking like death. I turned to the guy next to me who we had picked up somewhere in the middle of NC and we both had the same look on our faces. The one like " ooh hell no, I know they not about to stuff all them people on the bus" look. I looked around and saw two empty seats in the back. Being the only caucasian on the bus I knew it wasn't going to be long before the $h^t hit the fan. While the Chinese bus drivers were frantically speaking to each other, the other passengers from the broken down bus started to board. One driver started waving his hands saying " move to the back! Go to back!"  the two empty seats in the back went to two ladies while the rest of the passengers started shifting uneasily in the middle of the aisle. We were all thinking the same thing... what are they going to do with these people? I looked at the guy beside me and said " It's all a matter of time. Someone's about to crack." He laughed but I wasn't joking.

Finally, a guy crammed in the middle of the aisle started losing it, asking the drivers where they were going to go. I thought for sure this was it, HE was going to be the one that cracked. Meanwhile, the Chinese drivers were still babbling in Chinese and running from one bus to the other. All that stopped when one woman standing in the front went straight up ghetto on one of our passengers. Thinking back I don't know why I didn't pull out my cell phone and record it. The entire bus fell silent. I think we were all genuinely afraid to move at that point. Her conversation went something like this..

" BI*#H YOU BETTA SHUT THE F*%K UP!! I'LL CUT YOU B#$&H!! I'LL CUT CHU!! COME ON! LET'S TAKE IT OUTSIDE B*&%H! YOU NEED TO CALM DA F$%K DOWN!!

I thought we were all going to die. We were all staring wide eyed still unable to move or say anything. But things got REALLY entertaining when she turned her anger toward our little Chinese driver. All the color had drained from his face as he stood there and she began to berate him. 

" I WANT MY MONEY BACK B$%*H! YOU SAID YOU GET ME TO NEW YORK AND I AIN'T IN NEW YORK! SOMEBODY BETTA GET ME MY GOD DAMN MONEY BACK!"

The look of terror on that poor man's face was priceless. I don't think he said a word back to her...she quite literally rendered him speechless. Then the other bus driver came in and started flailing his arms and yelling " Yes! We give you money! Get off bus! Get off bus!" But that wasn't good enough. She stomped her feet and started flailing her arms back saying "  I'LL GET OFF THE BUS IF YOUGIMME MY MONEY." This went back and forth for at least a minute when finally the women gave up and stormed off the bus. The entire bus erupted with laughter the second her feet touched the ground. But I have to giver her some credit because we had found out later that the bus had broken down at 2 am. That means for 4 hours they were stranded there, waiting on our bus to come only to find out that only two of them were actually going to get a seat. I would like to think that if the same thing had happened to me there would be less arm flailing and curse words but when my ghetto comes out there's no telling.

Because we had turned around and stopped for at least 30 minutes in VA it meant we were off schedule. We were supposed to have gotten to NYC at 10:30 but didn't arrive till almost 12. As we approached the city I realized the magnitude of the situation. I had come here alone. I had NO idea where I was going once I got off the God forsaken, piss smelling bus. But as soon as we stopped I grabbed my backpack and took off, never looking back.

I Survived New York ( Pt 1)

So I had the bright idea this year to hop on a bus and go to NYC. I had been contemplating this trip for many months as I wanted to do some more traveling and work on my photography. I found cheap bus tickets, an affordable hotel which I thought was going to be relatively close to the city and was all set. I manged to fit my life somewhat comfortably in a backpack, asked a friend to drop me off so I could meet my bus and was ready for my 4 day adventure. In NYC. By myself. My first inclination as to how the trip was going to go should have been the bus, along with it's Chinese bus driver and the colorful group of people on board. First off, if you're going to travel by bus (which if you would like to experience what hell would be like then go right ahead) make sure you pick a bus company that has actual signs on the bus. Second, if you're meeting anywhere other then an actual bus stop ABORT. And third, never, under ANY circumstances sit in the back. I don't care if you are actually riding a reputable bus, you do not want to experience a 12-14 hr ride in the back. I'll get to why later.

So I see from the directions I printed out that I was supposed to meet this bus in a parking lot near a Waffle House. I found this to be really shady but the tickets were cheap so I didn't really care at the time. I boarded the bus without anyone actually checking my ticket. It all became clear to me though, why he didn't when we stopped near midnight in another parking lot somewhere in the middle of NC, so a van of Chinese men could get on board and demand our tickets. This was after we had already stopped two other times at closed gas stations to pick more people up. I was convinced by the time we had handed over our tickets that these men were doing more then just transporting people to and from cities. But it was the overwhelming smell of piss that really just made that ride a living nightmare. I didn't think about it when I boarded. I just wanted to find a seat that I could be by myself where no screaming babies were in arms length. And that just happened to be in the back of the bus. Which was obviously, and quite unfortunately near the bathroom. As the hours passed the smell only grew more potent, which again is pretty obvious since people kept using it. I would have rather had my bladder explode then to step foot into that bathroom. I prayed a genuine prayer that I would not have to pee on the bus. I think I even stopped drinking fluids. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I was still able to sleep though which I was thankful for.

I believe it was 6 am when the fight broke out. Which I'll save for another blog post because I'm tired :).

The Top 10 Things I learned In August...

10. Green bubbles only look great to eat.

9. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Give a boy some stickers and you'll be finding them all over you for a lifetime.

8. Digging for worms is better then Saturday morning cartoons. Almost.

7.  Spiderman hops on one foot when trying to save people..

6. Washclothes aren't actually for cleaning. They are fish. And there's a mommy fish, daddy fish and baby fish and they all like to sleep on the side of the bathtub.

5. There are talking donuts in the trees. And we can only see them by looking through 'noculars'.

4. If one's stomach hurts only hamburgers will cure it. Supposedly.

3. Beds are now considered unacceptable which is why I now find my son lying on different areas of his bedroom floor each morning.

2. Kenny's love for being animals includes being them in public places. Like flopping around on the ground as a dolphin. In the Dollar Tree.

1. I am his best friend :) <3

The Help

Maybe it was just one of those moods I was in, or the surge of hormones ....or maybe the euphoric high from all the M&M's I had inhaled but whatever it was, The Help is one of the best movies I've ever seen. I laughed, I cried, and just when I thought I was done crying I cried some more. It was moving and inspirational, and a wonderful reminder that what we put in our children is going to come out of them when they're older. I'm too lazy to launch into an explanation of the movie which hopefully most of you already know about, but I'll at least tell you it's based in the 60's during the Civil Rights Movement. And one thing that stuck out to me was that these women were pouring their lives into these children, the very children that would one day grow up thinking it was ok to be disrespectful, rude and feel inferior all because of the color of their skin. One mother wasn't even a mother, her child was more or less an accessory, one that " the help" would bath, love on and comfort. The mother was more concerned about the deviled eggs for her bridge game, or what the latest gossip was. The only time her sweet little girl got any attention was when the maid took the time to love on her, and to tell her " You is kind. You is smart. You is important." There are mothers today who view their children as an accessory, as something to get them attention. They don't take care of their child, because their too busy with their own lives to give a $h*t. And then they complain when that child rebels against them. Children are a product of their environment. If we, as parents, are always annoyed with them then that child is going to grow up feeling unimportant. If we treat others with disrespect then that child is going to grow up being disrespectful. It's not a hard concept to understand. It's a shame that the little girl in the movie was only loved on by the maid. Even in today's society children are often passed off to someone else. And that someone else may not take the time to love on them, to make them feel special. I may have to work a full time job but my son knows who is Mommy is. And I try every day of his life to make sure that he knows that he is kind, that he is smart, and that he is important.

Schmnana Schmudding

I answer alot of..."special" calls at work. I think most of you should know what kind of " special" I mean. But today I was introduced to a whole new kind of special..in the mail. Normally when the mail comes it's just a matter of sorting it and stamping it with the little date stamper thingy and then of course figuring out where it needs to go. We of course, get transcripts everyday from people and because the deadline for the spring semester is drawing closer we are now starting to get personal essays from seniors in high school. It should be noted that it is not required, at least where I work, that a student send in a essay about themselves. But I happened to notice my co worker reading this essay I will rename Schmnana Schmudding. This person who shall remain nameless, went on to relate herself to that of a dessert that is common in the south. I got maybe a paragraph into it when I started laughing so hard I was wheezing. Tears began forming in my eyes as I continued to laugh when she compared her personality to that of whip cream using words like  caring, supportive and motivated. I had no idea whip cream was so supportive. Am I the only one in America that was left in the dark about whip cream being so much more then just..whipped cream? I mean who knew?! I know I can certainly be motivated to eat whip cream and I care greatly about doing so but I was completely clueless as to the wonderful personality traits of the substance! I was pounding the table in uncontrollable fits of laughter by the time I got to the part where she listed the two ingredients that really seem to stand out for her in this dessert...vanilla wafers and banana slices. Because the crunchiness of the wafers really describes her personality. Wait, I thought that was the whipped cream?
 Did you know that the banana slices provided in this dessert are bursting with flavor? And that the vanilla wafers are so palette pleasing with their crunchiness? I discovered a whole new hysterical, special world today.  It does greatly concern me however, as to the state that the younger generation is in when the only thing they can think of to compare themselves to is food. Palette pleasing, motivated, caring food.

We Are Not The Weather Channel

It was only a matter of time before I cracked. It just so happened that it was mere hours after I had told a co-worker how I keep expecting to have a bad day of some kind at the job but so far it's been smooth sailing...mostly. It wasn't until the 1000th parent called asking if the University was still holding the Open House for potential freshman even though there was going to be a hurricane. These questions were completely valid during the beginning of the week. It was still uncertain at the time where Irene was going to make landfall. I was more then happy to sweet talk the parents, and reassure them that if something were to happen the University would provide information to them about cancellations and so forth and so on. But not today. Today I took calls left and right about parents concerned about the hurricane. Do you people watch the weather? I mean seriously...it hasn't been aiming for us since like Tuesday. If I had a dollar for everytime a parent called and asked me this " I was just wondering if the Open House was still going to be going on with the hurricane?" I'd retire. Because WHAT HURRICANE? It's not even scheduled to rain on Saturday!!! GAAAAH!! And therefore I cracked. Actually I cracked before then but I still had a fighting chance before a woman called wanting me to help plan her trip by giving her this weekends weather conditions in Charleston. But first she asked me the question I already mentioned above. I was all done giving a looong drawn out explanation of how the hurricane probably wasn't going to effect us at all blah blah blah so I replied like this:
 " We're not getting the hurricane ma'am".
 " What do you mean 'we'...like South Carolina or Columbia?"
" Columbia is not getting a hurricane ma'am."
"Ok because we're driving a long way and we're actually going to making some stops in Charleston and Myrtle Beach, what does the weather look like there you think?"
" I would check the Weather Channel ma'am for that information. "
" Well could you transfer me to someone who could be a little more helpful because I just want to know what we might encounter when we come down for our visits."

We are not travel planners. We are not the effin Weather Channel. We do not know the weather in Charleston because WE'RE IN COLUUUMBIAAA. So if you want to know what the weather is going to do this weekend for Charleston or anywhere other then Columbia then use your pointer finger to turn on your tv and go to a weather related channel because WE DO NOT KNOW. If I've already told you Columbia will in no way be effected and you and your daughter will still be able to come to our Open House event then what more do you people want from me? Are you computer challenged? Do you not have a weather app on your phone? Is your tv broken? Because I can think of a million different ways to find out what the weather is going to be like then to call the admissions office of a University and bug the S*!T out of them for weather information. There. I'm done.

How to Give Your Life Story In 30 Seconds or Less...

I started a new job this past week ( YAY!!) at the University of South Carolina working in the Undergraduate Admissions Department. On my first day I had to get my parking pass which meant I had to drive to get it, then drive back down to the parking lots where I either had the option of taking the shuttle back up or walking up Mt. Everest known in Columbia as Green St. If you think you're in shape or at least maintaining, walk up the Green St. hill. I have never not panted at the top of that stupid hill. Anyways, so I get to the shuttle stop and there's this guy there. Since classes haven't started yet this semester it's rather rare to find another individual who is waiting for the shuttle at 9:30 in the morning. He wastes no time in talking. I didn't mind because I was excited about starting my new gig so I say a few words and then it happens. A whirlwind of words attacks me and in the span of what seemed like 30 seconds I heard this:

" Oh by the way my name's Steve ( not his actual name). So yeah I'm waiting on the bus because I have to go to them chem lab. Yeah that's what I'm studying is bio chemistry. I have to drive all the way from Orangeburg I don't get out of here till like 6 and by the time I get home it's not till like 8 or something and then I let the dog out and all that. "

Me: " Wow that's a long day."

Steve: " Yeah, and this is my second time being back in school. I went the first time but then I got a brain tumor. It took up most of my brain and I had to have chemo then radiation. But I'm fine now. I'm moving in my new apartment this weekend. The reason I'm 32 and still staying with my parents was because I was trying to get back on my feet. But I got a roommate now. We had some problems with another one of our roommates because when we signed the lease we thought we were going to get the third bedroom too. But we didn't because the landlord decided to rent out that third bedroom. The guy wanted the downstairs bedroom but I told him no way because I was there first. I have ADD if you couldn't tell. Yeah I'm one of those nerds that plays video games all day. I've been playing since I was like 5. But I know how to socialize too. I have like 3 girlfriends. I just try and show people that just because someone likes playing video games doesn't mean they can't have a life too yah know?"

Me: I think the bus is late.....

It takes alot for me to be surprised at what comes out of Kenny's mouth these days. Especially when we're out in a store for example. I'm used to the " Mommy I'm a big boy now, I need some oomaloons" ( balloons). Or " Mommy come see what I found!" and my favorite '"Aww Mommy, this flamingo is special to me...I have it? Meeeease?"
He is often entertaining those around him while standing in line with his enthusiastic conversations with himself. He is of course, completely oblivious to this. So we went in a store to get some general supplies today and we went through all the things I mentioned above. The excitement of Batman bubble bath was enough to appease the toddler and we made it in line without any whining. He, like any child, sees something while standing in line and wants to go over and check it out. And me, like any mother, calls as quietly but as firmly as possible to " come over here." So while I'm calling for him to get back in line he stops and looks at the gentleman in front of us as if he had pushed his way in line and says " oh...go ahead."  The man in front of me looked at me and all I could say was " Did he just tell you to go ahead?" He nodded and I buried my head in my hands. Apparently he thought he was being really gracious. It did show great use of manners at least :). I think I stood in line laughing until  I was heading out the door. I actually don't remember but it seemed like a long time. Maybe this is only funny to me, or one of those cases where you have to be there to fully get it. But if you happen to have a three year old give you permission to " go ahead" maybe it'll give you a good laugh :).

Things Are Not Always As They Seem...

Kenny and I were at Saluda Shoals one day for the water play area they have there and it gives me a great chance to people watch. I love the overly loud people who make their business everyone else's business, or the parents that get all dramatic as if they're putting on a show. Since I can practically hear Kenny no matter where he is in the area given the fact that he screams like a banshee out of excitement, I can divulge a little bit and just let my eyes wander to the different people around. That's when I noticed a little boy crying whose was maybe 1 1/2. He was sitting all by himself on one of the benches and was completely adorable. I had been there long enough to know which kid went where so I noticed his family sitting on one of the picnic tables not far from him. But it was far enough away that at first glance you wondered if he had been left or something. My first instinct was to go up to him and squeeze his little fat cheeks and ask him what was wrong. He was soo pitiful it make my heart hurt for him. But I quickly realized what had happened. He hadn't been forgotten, or was bleeding from any wound. He was in the words dreaded by any child, TIME OUT. He continued to sit for another minute or so and then rejoined his family. Kenny and I had been there for a few hours already so I decided to pack up the stuff and head home. As we came up on the family with the little boy I saw the mother calmly pick up the boy, go back to the bench, where she then placed him down  gently before returning to her seat. More crying ensued....from the boy not the mother :). Any mother can relate to this kind of moment, and she did it with such grace and ease it was reassuring. But then I realized I had almost made the mistake that so many of us make when we see a cute little child crying. We do that pouty face and go " awww it's otay you poor wittle thing!!" and look at the mother and say something like " Somebody must be ready for a nap!" When in reality the child just drew blood by biting his brother. I can't tell you how many times I've been out somewhere and Kenny will start whining about something, like not getting the toy he wanted. Before I can begin to correct him here comes the woman behind us " Ooh isn't he soo precious! Aww what's the matter darlin? Looks like someones pretty sleepy!" to which I reply through smiling, clenched teeth " No ma'am he's just fussing for something." " Aww poor baby! Mommy didn't get you a toy?" THAT right there people is called butting into someone elses business. She just thought she was talking to a sad, sweet little boy and wanted to make him smile. I don't have a problem with that normally. All I'm asking for is people to be aware of the death look that Mommy's give their children. Because it's all about timing people, you see " The Look" and see the child throwing a fit, don't open you're mouth.  I understand that seeing that innocent little face all scrunched up in a pout just makes you want to conquer the world for that child just to see them smile. But if you don't know the reason why they're pouting, stay awaaay!! It's really none of your business anyways! And besides,you don't know if the mother is on the brink of insanity or not, because if you say something like this " Aww he is too cute to be cryin like that!" you could get this " YOU WANT HIM?" ( I actually said that before). I don't condone this behaviour and I  was in no way serious about pawning off my cranky child. But let's try and be more mindful of the fact that every cute little boy or girl we see crying may not need us, the stranger, to interfere for them.  Sometimes they just need a good minute or two on a quiet bench. Alone.


Ps. This is probably more of a pet peeve of mine then anything. But I know I can't be the only mother out there to be frustrated at the people that come up and try to solve your child's problem. I dont' care if they have good intentions. It's annoying. END RANT.

The Ladies Man

Even at the ripe old age of three my son has a way with the ladies. This isn't new but it's getting worse. I remember going into Chick-Fil-A when he had just turned two and watching him play on the playground. A group of little girls no older then 7 came in and in less then 5 minutes they were all enthusiastically chasing my son around the play area. Like any man, he was completely oblivious. The phrases " Aww he's so cute!" were uttered quite frequently and I just sat back and laughed. This happens everywhere we go. And everywhere we go Kenny is unfazed at the attention he brings. I watched a friend's little girl one day who was just a little bit over one. Sometimes Kenny is a little aggressive with girls but Chloe is different. If she's eating a snack he feeds it to her, goldfish by goldfish. If she drops something he is immediately there to pick it up for her. He takes her by the hand and leads her to his toys, carefully puts her in his car and pushes her around. He is the definition of a little gentleman around Chloe. And Chloe returns the affection by rubbing his back or playing with his hair. They literally act like an old married couple around each other. So when we were visiting her and her family the other day it shouldn't have been a surprise when she was gently patting him on the back and we saw her hand going lower and lower. Finally she cupped his butt and squeezed it ever so gently.  Let me remind you she's still not two yet. And she knew EXACTLY what she was doing. I mean, don't we all girls? She executed her plan flawlessly and her parents and I about fell over with laughter. Meanwhile, Kenny was of course oblivious and continued to arrange the magnets on the refrigerator as if nothing had happened. I'm going to be in trouble when he reaches puberty...unless he stays completely oblivious. One can only hope.....

The Translator Aka, Mommy.

I wish I was bilingual but I'm not. I can speak basic French if that. And by basic I mean " Bonjour" ,      "je m'appelle Sarah" and " Ou est le chocolat?"  but I do understand 2 languages. English and Kenny Boo. Let me paint a picture for you real quick. Lets say you're at the zoo with your good friend and their child who is around 2 or 3. You may be even extremely close to this child and spend a great deal of time molding and shaping them. Maybe you watched this child come into the world, changed their diapers and was there for his/her first steps. That means nothing when that child learns how to speak. Because when they come up to you and hold out their cute, chubby little hand with those big pleading eyes and say" Can I have some monkey cheese?" you really begin to wonder just how close to them you want to be. That's where the translator comes in, aka: Mommy. The translator automatically assumes that since you and the child are so close that you will naturally understand the sentences that flow from their mouth. So when you just heard " Can I have some monkey cheese?", and are standing there with a confused and somewhat disturbed look on your face, the translator finally realizes that help is needed and translates the sentence from " Can I have some monkey cheese?" to " Can I have some money please?". You realize then what an obvious sentence that was since you're standing in front of stand with balloons and gorilla hats.

Mommies everywhere are translators for a certain amount of time in their child's life. But sometimes even Mommies don't understand what their child is saying. Kenny says the most outrageous things to me sometimes and most of the time I can figure out from just a word or two in the entire sentence what he was trying to say. He once asked me very politely for some " potty cheese". Thankfully it hadn't been long since lunch where I had some cottage cheese, so I quickly put two and two together and realized what he was actually asking for. It's still a work in progress trying to get him to correctly pronounce cottage cheese! When he's taking a bath he likes to say he's a fish " swerming" in the water. His friend Samuel used to be called "Sermer" and when he wakes up from nap he likes to watch a " moobie".  That one is a little more obvious then some :). These are all things that I think nothing about when I hear them. But if we go out to eat and he asks someone for some " potty cheese" .....well...you get the picture :).

Road Rage at Any Age

As a parent, you begin to realize that you can no longer get away with saying something inappropriate while in the presence of your toddler. Because that child is not only a sponge soaking up and remembering everything you say, but they're like a parrot. They repeat it, over and over and over again. So while they're running around screaming " SHUTUP!" to no one in particular, you're banging your head against the wall as you try and salvage what little dignity as a parent you have left. This didn't happen to me, I'm just sayin. What DID happen to me was in the car one day. I wouldn't consider myself as having an extreme case of road rage, but I do get very frustrated and have been known to have a few choice words for someone who is either going to slow or riding my bumper. It's not like I want to kill them over it but yes, it does make me upset. So while driving down the road one day with Kenny in the back some idiot decided that going 50 mph on a 60 mph interstate was a good idea. I didn't curse at him, but I did growl and and make grunting noises in my frustration. " COME ON!! GRRR!" was as bad as it got I think. And then came the innocent little voice from the back: " Whatcha talkin bout Mommy?" Crap. I was caught. But before I could calmly explain a rational reason for my behavior this came out, " These people are in my way and they need to MOVE!" Well that was it. That was the moment I gave my three year old road rage. And from that moment on anytime we're in the car and something similar happens the parrot in the back starts up. " Everybody get outta the way! Just tell em Mommy. Go on Mommy like this... Get. Out. Of. Mommy's. WAY!" Ahh yes, I'm a fine leader to our future generation. You're welcome America.

Tenny Da Boo

People used to stop me on the streets after Kenny was just born to tell me what a cute baby I had. It's not much different today except he's three and even cuter. We were in line somewhere recently and a lady gushed about how cute he was. She then asked him what his name was and my son responded with " My name's Tenny. Tenny da Boo." She laughed, I laughed, and he just looked at us like we were out of our minds.  I couldn't quite figure out if he was trying to say his last name which sounds close to "boo" or if he was saying the nickname a friend of mine gave him, which is Kenny Boo. Who cares, it was the cutest thing that came out of his mouth that day.

I had to drop him off at his Daddy's house last week and I told him I was going to miss him soooo much and asked if he was going to miss me too. He said " Aww it's otay Mommy, I'll wait for you at Daddy's house. Then you come and I'll take care of you!" I keep thinking that there's no way he can get any sweeter. And each day he seems to prove me wrong. Well...most days :).

He is the best part of my day, and it never ceases to amaze me what comes out of that little mouth. I would say I have no idea where he gets it from but as it's said...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :).
We were doing a puzzle today and I pretended to not know where the tiger went and he reached over and said " It goes right here sweetheart."  Glad I have a Tenny da Boo to take care of me. <3

It's really been since January that I last posted? Apparently I'm not so good at blogging :). I could blame it on numerous things but the reality is is that I just got lazy! There are lots of things that have happened since the first of the year, one is that I inherited a dog. I say inherited because I did not go looking for her. She actually appeared in my yard one day looking sad and cold ( it was sometime in February). It was clear someone had been abusing her so I knew I had to keep her. She's a black mutt with maybe some lab in her. I named her Chewbacca for the sound she makes when she's yawning and growling at the same time...oh and for the fact that she loves chewing my favorite shoes.  Kenny can't quite pronounce Chewy or Chewbacca correctly but he can say Chewby. So the dog has officially 3 names. She's a sweet dog, but needs alot of work. She pees if you look at her the wrong way and is terrified of thunderstorms. She has chewed through more shoes and socks then I can remember and is constantly pacing and whining. Quite honestly she's the most annoying dog alive but there's a part of me that loves her. I keep her because Kenny loves her and because I finally have someone to give the leftovers that have been sitting to long in the fridge to. It's a nice comfort too knowing that there's a dog in the house just in case something happens. I'm not sure if she'd growl at an unwanted guest or just pee on them....either one might be effective though :).

Just in case anyone forgot what Chewbacca from Star Wars sounds like here you have it. And yes, my mutt really does sound like that..to some extent.

This is NOT a Bed and Breakfast

We've had a couple of snow days here in the south because everyone panics when the weather man even mentions the word "snow". The weather guy was actually right this time though and we got 6 inches in some places. Because the daycare I work with follows school district 1 we've been closed since Monday. Which at first was great, Kenny and I played in the 5-6 inches of snow and sleet, cuddled on the couch and watched movies and just bummed around. Then the ice came. The last report I saw said that across the state there was a total of 1,487 accidents and breakdowns during the last couple of days. WTF. Are we really THAT bad at driving in the snow? Needless to say we didn't go out much. So work closed Tuesday because of all the ice and by Tuesday night they were still canceling school for the following day. I understand we're not equipped here to handle ice, sleet and snow on the roads like the northerners can but sweet Lord...I gots bills to pay yo. Being caged in the house for 3 days with a 2 year old will drive yah nuts too. His attitude has been horrendous and he apparently thinks he can boss me around. He woke up the other night crying for animal crackers. Let me rephrase that....he woke up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT whining and demanding animal crackers. Then last night he woke up and just came in my room, never said a word and then followed me back to his room where I put him back to bed. As we're on our way to bed tonight he demands oatmeal. Not just oatmeal, but oatmeal in bed. I should have given him directions to a bed and breakfast. We've had our fun moments but mostly the trying twos have attacked me full force and I'm ready to get back to work! Where I will ironically be working in the two year old room. But what is it about handling someone elses child seems so much easier then yours sometimes? I love my sweet boy, it seems that he's gotten lost though. I told him the other day if he wants to live to see three he better get his act together. And I better pray for patience. Lots and lots of patience.